Rehab High
by SamTheRetard
Summary: When unfortunate parents find out their children's homosexuality, they send their poor 'diseased' child to a Rehabilitation High School. Does it ACTUALLY work? AU. Akatsuki Yaoi Pairings.
1. Prologue

If I owned Naruto, I'd make the character do naughty things. Like throwing toasters into little children's bathtubs!

Note: This story is more of a retard crack that my one friend and I thought up. She has a character which is an OC but does not become a love interest and in case you have a breain fart. The akatsuki characters which I mentioned are the usual. KakuHidan, SasoDei, KisaIta, ZetsuTobi, PeinKonan.

This story also skips to different points of view for different views of the story (obviously).  
Time for some mind melting! =D

P.S. Any editing errors are not there, you're imagining it. This is Jesus writing this line so listen. ^^

* * *

**Inspect Her Gadget School for the Un-begayed** - A state of the art highschool built for the sake of saving teenagers from the horrible state of homosexuality. Here at IHGSU, our main objective is not only to convert your children back to being heterosexual, but to keep their education still in progress. We know it is extremely hard for you as parents to cope with this horrible state, but it is curable and only a call away.

Admission is only 200 dollars a year, much less than other boarding schools, and all of your child's food, supplies, and classes will be taken care of. You child will have his/her own dorm which comes with:  
- Desk and chair, with outlet for a computer if you would like to bring one  
- Queen-Sized Bed  
- Bedstand  
- Dresser  
- Television  
- Bathroom with a bathtub/shower  
- Closet  
- Small Kitchen

Your child will take his/her required courses and electives along with our special classes that will help them on their journey to the great state of heterosexuality. To enroll your child in to this amazing facility, call 188-666-9837.

Sincerely,  
Mr. Rubdick  
666 Happippy Lane  
Kyoto, Japan

I looked at the flyer in front of me, you have to be kidding me… "Mom, I'm not gay, HE came on to ME!" I can't believe this, my own Mom doesn't believe me. I was just hanging out with my friend, Yuji, playing the PS3 as normal and he randomly jumped on me and tried to make-out with me. My Mom just so happened to be walking past the room and saw, then called my Dad and he yelled at me too. I'm not allowed to see Yuji anymore, well I'm kind of freaked out by him now, but I think my parents are over-reacting with this…

"Deidara, it's for your own good. Lying won't stop it," She said calmly, I scowled. I can't believe this!

"Mom, I'm SERIOUS! Besides, this is in Kyoto!"

"It's a boarding school so you will be fine," She tried to reassure me.

"No I won't, you're not listening to me!"

"Look Deidara, just admit it, you'll be going either way. Go pack." She pointed at the stairs. I stomped up the steps and slammed my door, why does this have to happen to me? I guess I can't stop it now, though… Fighting with that woman never ends well. I kneeled on the floor in front of my dresser and got out my clothes, then put them in a large suitcase. In a separate one I put my extra belongings, my clay, my toiletries, and anything else I wanted to take. Man, this is going to be JUST fun…


	2. Chapter 1

**Sasori**

"What now Sasori? Five rules broken, what's the next on the list?" Hidan asked me as Kakuzu walked off, giving up on his attempt at getting his 50 dollars back. I look at the paper in my hand, the fun one.

"Invade the girls' dorm," I smirked.

"This one is fucking hilarious," He snickered as we walked across the large lobby and to the doors that led to the girls area. I hope Hidan doesn--

"Heeyyyyy bitches! Time for some fun!" He cried as some girls started yelling back at him. Their attempts at ordering us out are hopeless. We started flinging open every door on the floor, at least the ones that were unlocked. "Whoa! Get some clothes on you fucking hooker!" Hidan cried as we began to laugh again.

"AHHH! GET OUT!" The girl cried as she slammed the door shut. Priceless.

"I'm not a girl, un! I'm a damn guy, un!!!" I heard someone speaking, Hidan heard the person speaking, too. We turned the corner and saw one of the principal's secretaries moving someone in. "Are you people freaking blind! I'm already pissed at being her when I shouldn't be in the first place, and now you people are putting me in a girls' dorm?! I swear this is what hell is, un…" The person yelling sure did look like a girl. He had long blonde hair with a pony-tail on the top of his head, but still some hair down, he a pretty slim, too. I guess most people would have claimed that he's a girl, but his voice proved different. He had a flat chest, too. Hell, even I can tell he's a gu-- Oh, that's Mrs. Blindbitch… I mean Blynhich…

"Please stop your games right now and put your bags in your room," She tried to be calm but I could see her anger rising. My god she's hilarious when she blows up, her grey balding, yes balding head, puffs up and then her hair practically flies straight up. I never had a camera when it happened and I seriously wish I did. Crap, she saw us! "Mr. Akasuna! What are you doing in the girls dormitory?" What? I turned around, no Hidan. Bastard… Oh well.

"Well, miss. I think I lost my way…" I knew this wouldn't work, but who cares?

"Over ten times?" She put her hands on her hips. Wow, even if you try that woman, you will never look any younger.

"Well the architecture of this building is rather--"

"You've been here for three years, you should know this place quite well by now." I couldn't help but snicker at that, yeah I never really left this place. I'm a junior now and still the biggest fudge packer you've ever seen. She turned to look at the kid, he had his arms crossed, heh, he did look like a girl doing that. "Now miss Iwa, pleas--"

"You know what? Screw this," He picked his bags up and walked past me and Blindbitch ran after him.

"Your parents already enrolled you here today and they would be very displeased if you misbehaved," She tried to get him to come back. Then, within a flash he had his shirt up, oooh, he's pretty good looking. Heh heh…

"Now you believe me, un?!" He pulled his shirt back down, and the hag started apologising and started walking towards the direction of the exit.

"Akasuna, you're not staying here! I'm not blind," She said with an annoying tone. Wow, could have fooled me. I walked up to them and began to follow. I wonder where his new dorm is, I forgot today was one of the moving in days. At the beginning of every month, there's always at least three new kids. I remember one time a kid was following Kakuzu around and Kakuzu almost-- Ahem… I won't get into that. "Sasori, would you like to show Mr. Iwa to his dorm, it's 212."

"Ouch," I murmured.

"Excuse me?!"

"Yes ma'am!" God I hate this woman, I could rape the kid for all she cares… Oh, why I said ouch, you ask? Well he's next to Hidan's room, the guy NEVER sleeps. All he does at night is pray to some weird god that no one here has heard of, watch porn, and drink. He's the most hilarious thing when he drinks, something I should tape.

You know the weirdest thing, you won't believe me. He's immortal. Yes, IMMORTAL! How he got that way, I seriously don't want to know. So, for fun or his religion-- sometimes both, he randomly starts cutting himself. Half the teachers have already fainted, the other agreed on sending him to counselling. They don't know about his 'condition', so they ask him questions like "Do you hear voices of people who aren't really there?" and "Did you have any other issues at home?" You do NOT want to be near him after counselling, I'll tell you that…

"What exactly do they do to you at this place, un?" He asked and looked down on me. Ack, he's taller than me, I hate that.

"Nothing really. Other than normal classes they give you these idiotic ones that have to do with "What a Woman is," and one we've all taken before, "Sexual Education".

"Why have you been here for three years?" He asked, everyone asks me this.

"Well one, I seriously don't do shit in any classes, and two, I have some friends and this place is too funny to leave,"

"Hm…" He mumbled. Not the talkative type I see.

"Oh my fucking god, it was hilarious! Blindbitch thought this one dude was a chick! Then she turned around and I fucking ran. Sasori's gonna... Oh hey, Sasori, how was the lecture?" He smirked at me. That woman always have me half hour long lectures, I'm in counselling now, too.

"I didn't get one this time," I stated as I pointed Deidara to his room. Hidan was talking to Kakuzu (who really didn't care), Zetsu, and Tobi. Zetsu was really the only person who, well, I wouldn't say needed, but should have counselling. Yet he doesn't! I mean, he's a multicoloured schizophrenic! Tobi had his same orange mask on as usual, but was leaning on Zetsu instead of bouncing off the walls. The meds worked.

"Hey, that's the chick-dude I was talking about!" Hidan pointed at Deidara and held in laughter. It looked like Deidara was about to turn around and yell at Hidan, or even punch him, but he just walked in his room and closed his door quietly… Wow, he's real calm.

"GOD DAMNIT!" Objects being thrown at the wall could be heard, scratch the calm part. Tobi's stomach growled, rather loudly.

"Zetsu-san, pleaaaaaaaase can Tobi eat now?!" He whined. Oh, the food thing. Since Tobi was so clingy to Zetsu, more like possessive, Zetsu had to find ways to make sure he could be serene at times. Seems impossible, but Tobi can't be a rabid animal if he doesn't have his sugar fix. How many times was it, five that we had to go pixie stick hunting in his room? Yeah.

Zetsu groaned at Tobi who was now shaking his arm, "Fine…" He walked off as I listened to see what Hidan was doing. Still talking to Kakuzu who was now picking at his nails. Oh I know what's going on now.


	3. Chapter 2

**Kakuzu**

Blah, blah, blah. When does this idiot ever shut his mouth. I sighed as Hidan paused, "Hello Asshole, are you even listening to me?!" He snarled at me.

"You lost me at, 'Guess what, Hidan!' I'm just waiting for my money," I answered him. The religious nut scowled at me. "Why else do you think I'm here? Now hurry up so I can go eat, I'm starving." I could feel my stomach silently growl.

"Like hell! You already destroyed my fucking computer, you should be happy that I don't rob your ass," He glared at me. It was his fault that I broke his computer. He started pissing me off while I was over with a few other people and the computer was the closest thing. He could have let it drop, he's probably mooched enough cash from me to buy a damn car, but no.

"Hidan, pay up," I ordered him as calmly as I could. This moron always got on my nerves, he knows that too. But still, no matter how many times I attempt to kill him, he comes back for more. Damn immortal…

"Only if you buy me fo--" Ugh, not this line again.

"You're immortal, you don't need any damn food. Why you still eat? I do not know. So give me my money before I break your arm," For the fifth time.

"Well one, Jackass, I'm still human and food tastes rather good-"

"When you don't cook it," I added.

"Exactly! And th-- Two, I still get hungry and angry when I don't eat," He explained 'matter-of-factly'. He took the money out of his pocket and started pacing around, looking at it, taunting me. "Hmmm, what should I buy? Kakuzu always eats cheap so maybe I should just spend it on myself." He looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

"FINE!" I gave in, he smiled and passed it to me, I swiftly grabbed it from his hand. I hate when the little bugger does this shit to me. He never leaves me alone, he's almost clingy. ALMOST. If I said he was, that would remind me of Tobi and then I'd get really paranoid. I sighed and started walking, "What do you want?" I asked, dreading the answer.

"I want a burger, fries, and a litre of Coke," He paused to think.

"Seriously, you can't buy litres of pop here and why would you want a LITRE OF COKE anyways?"

He shrugged, "I dunno, maybe if I get thirsty? Anyways, I also want one of those fucking huge candy sticks, I won't let Tobi have any. I also want… Uhhhh… Oh yeah, a large cone of ice cream. You should at least be fucking happy that I didn't order 10 sticks of dango."

Ugh, I cringed at the thought. That was the day where I broke both his arms, so I had to feed him, plus people attempted to make me feel sorry for the ass, I bought him stuff to make people shut up, THEN Itachi wanted 5 more, Kisame 'yoinked' ten dollars and ran while I had my hands full carrying food, and lastly, Tobi somehow managed to steal 45 pixie sticks and was on a sugar rush. No, not the small ones, the big ones. Why me?

We walked towards the giant cafeteria. Unlike most high schools, this one found ways to mooch money out of people, don't ask how because I don't know. So we have a McDonalds, a giant candy store (just what we need), and one other school store that served practically every type of food you could think of.

"We're selling T-shirts again!! 5 Dollars each and all sizes! We even have hats now!" There she was again, the 'Almighty Miichie'. The brown haired girl always wore shirts that pissed off the teachers, her chose for today was one of the ones she made. It had a big rainbow smiley face in the back and in bold lettering, there were the words, "Being Gay Ish Okay!" She has had over 68 detentions for stuff like this, and is still going on.

"Oh, hey Kakuzu!" She called. She said something to her friends and came towards us. "Itachi and Kisame were looking for you, they ran out of money and their fridge is magically empty. In other words they want you to buy them food,"

"Wow, I never would have guessed that," I said sarcastically, she looked at Hidan and me… Not again.

"Oooooh, I see what's going on here," She winked at me. Ugh, how could she think that I liked this guy. "Well, sorry to bug you 'Kuzu--"

"Don't call me that!" I yelled at her. Another pet peeve, nicknames, especially 'Kuzu. I've told her a million times to shut up with that, but she never does. Now Itachi pisses me off with that name, I hate that prick. I can't believe Kisame can put up with him.

"Haha, too bad. ANYWAYS! I was wondering if you could buy me some--"

"No I will not buy you food,"

"Actually I was going to say JUNK food, there's a difference," She smiled up at me. She never gives up. I told her 'No' once again, but she went on. "But 'Kuuuuzuuuu!" She said that louder than normal and people looked this way, she giggled with a sinister smile.

"No, and leave me alone… Where's Hidan?" I looked around and he wasn't near me. Miichie pointed towards the general store. He was practically drooling over today's special, cake. Not again. He's going to ask for at least 5 slices, if I'm lucky, only that. He saw me looking and waved, pointed at the display and mouthed the words, "Please, Please, Please" I shook my head and he mouthed some curse words to me. I turned around to see Miichie. Well, people are just disappearing before my very eyes today. I shook my head, please don't be with Hidan. Please.

I turned back around and fate was definitely not on my side today. Miichie and Hidan were both pointing to the cake, pleading towards me. Wait… I started walking forward and noticed Kisame trying to hold in laughter, then Itachi tried to get him to shut up. I walked towards the two homeless-acting 'children', and saw Itachi and Kisame walk off casually.

"Were you guys talking to Kisame and Itachi?"

"Huh, whe-- SHIT!" As Hidan stepped back to look, the whole cylindrical, rotating display case smashed on to the floor. How could Hidan and Miichie NOT noticed that the blue-faced bastard put a string of some sort from Hidan's foot, up and around the case. Seriously, please tell me how.

"MY CAKE!!" Miichie screamed and picked a piece up off the floor, cradled it in her arms and cried, "Whyyyy?! Why, I tell you, WHY?!"

"Because you're a weird bitch!" Some random kid said with his friends and they laughed and walked off. Before I could stop her, the brunette picked up a large piece of cake, snuck up to the kid, and dropped it on his head.

The girl and Hidan started laughing as the kid and his friends started throwing the remains back. Wow, just like the movies. In about 30 seconds, a food fight broke out, how original. I was about to walk off when a woman pulled me back, "Ah Kakuzu, our favourite customer," She smiled while she spoke, "It's nice to see you!" Her smile fell, "Now pay up, 30 dollars."

"THIRTY BUCKS?!" I'm going to kick Hidan's ass if it kills me. The lady's face was still the same, today isn't my day. I reached in my pocket to feel nothing but the material of my pants. No he didn't… I reached in my other pocket, not there either! That bastard stole my money, AGAIN!

"I see you don't have any money at the moment? Go in the back and clean." She ordered as I slowly walked by, creating a plan in my mind to make Hidan's life miserable for the rest of the week. "Walking slow won't make you finish faster!" The woman called back. I swear I'm about to take her pink apron and strangle her to dea-- Be calm Kakuzu, if you destroy this store, you will have to pay for it all.

I walked into the grungy kitchen, it's so dull and it looks disgusting. What's even weirder, is that the wall by the sink and dish rack, was all mouldy, yet the rest of the kitchen was spic and span. I walked up to the large sink that was up to its brim with cooking utensils, serving plates, and various other dishes. Seriously, haven't these people ever heard of a damn dishwasher? I bet all the money just goes to the principal's office. Rubdick, wow, just a calling to all the people who love to make fun of the geezer. It's pronounced Roob-Dike, but people can still make fun of it that way. Then again, he must have had a horrible childhood with that name. I let out a small laugh, how I'd like to wrap my hands around and strangle that god da--. Be nice Kakuzu, if I injure someone again, the councillor will use shock therapy on me again… After he fixes the chair.


	4. Chapter 3

**Miichie (of whom wrote this one ^^)**

" KUZU! KUZU! KUZU! KUZU!" I repeated joyfully, squealing his name with giggly laughter. I was such a strange girl and I knew it, but people didn't have to tell me. I knew whom I was and they weren't going to change me. I glanced at him, seeing his mouth tremble. Sounded like he was going to yell at me. I giggled on the inside. "KUZUMAZZAAA! WAZZA KUZU!!! KUZUWALLAHABBA!" I was just making up gibberish nicknames now. "What the hell!?" he finally said, trying to hold back a laugh. I could tell. I could always tell. The corner of his mouth twitched.

"…Hi." I said, and then flailed my arms, accidentally whacking someone in the face through the busy hallway. I heard a crunching sound, turned and looked, but it seemed like he just continued on. One of those crunching sounds that make you cringe, because you don't know what happened. Sounded like a break, breaking cartilage.

"Did you break his nose?" `Kuzu said, raising an eyebrow, looking a little surprised. I shrugged, and looked back again. The kid was already gone. "Oh well, might as well not get in trouble now." I said. I still felt bad, though, because I think I did break the kids nose.

~  
'Kuzu and I walked into the arcade, only to find, of course, Kisame dancing on Dance Dance Revolution.

Love love love love! Lalala love shine yeah yeah yeah, yeah! Sun Shine!! Hare-watatta Blue Sky, Hikari ryoute Ni A-tsu-ku mabushii koi no yokan

I chuckled, my hand against my stomach as I leaned back slightly. I don't know why I did that; it was like I was coughing my laugh up in the air. 'Kuzu laughed too; though it was totally obvious he would be here.

**Love Beat!! Kono kimochi mo Heat Up!! Hikari abite, Soshite ANATA no moto e…**

I kinda moved my butt to the song. Since I missed the beginning, I was upset. I heard it, but I didn't sing it aloud. "Miichie, stop." Kisame said, his feet moving blindingly fast as he flailed his arms to the music. "Well, don't pay attention to my awesome moves if you wanna play your shit ass game." I snarled back.

"He turned to me, staring at me with those strange looking eyes as if he got something shoved up his butt. "What did you say?" he said in a bit of a higher tone. "Err... 'Shit ass game', I believe." I quoted myself.

I then found myself grabbed by the collar of my shirt and thrown to the Dance pad beside him. "NO FAIR!" I threw a small tantrum. "I'M CLASSIFIED AS HANDICAPPED! I CAN DO WHUTTA ME WANT!" I exclaimed. Boy was that a head turner, because everyone looked at me. That was in sight, of course. I sighed, 'Kuzu snorting and covering his mouth.

I got down on my knees and off the pad slightly so I wasn't sitting on the arrows. "What are you doing?" Kisame growled. "I'm using my hands. I can't use my legs." I said. "Why not?" he argued. "It's complicated. I was born different. Like I said, Handicapped." I said with a serious tone.

"I can see that…" he replied quietly, though I still heard it. "Not like that, fucktard!" I said. "BRING IT!" I shouted. The game started. It was time for a distraction. " LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! LALALA LOVE SHIAAAYYEEEENNN YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!" I sung aloud in a scratchy, horrifying voice as I slapped the arrows. "CHEATER!" Kisame shouted. I could feel the vibrations of his feet slapping on the arrows. I continued anyway. "LUURVE BEAT! KONO KIMOCHI HEAAAAAAT UP! HIKARI ABITE, SOSH-" it all stopped, feeling a sharp pain in the left side of my head. I stopped moving, and flopped over, the sound of the music fading. Black.

I woke up with ice on my head. "What the-" I paused. "Did I win?" I asked, looking half asleep. "HELL NO! I did!" Kisame said. Itachi was there, holding the icepack to my head. When did he come? I sighed, slapping his hand away. Why were they giving me so much attention... Well, Kisame wasn't giving attention, more like beating me shitless.

"Well, How did - YOU KICKED MY HEAD!" I suddenly realized before I could think the question together properly without fumbling with random words. "And you were screeching." Kisame grunted. "Fag..." I mumbled under my breath. Didn't look like he heard when I checked through my bangs up to his face. It is my hidden technique. Handing my head and looking through my hair. Worked very well, I practice… I'm not a creeper.

I then looked up, Itachi offering to hold the icepack to my head again. He was like a parasite, grabbing my head and taking the life out of it with a bag of ice. I just let him. After all, he owed me big time. And when I say big time, I mean it. "Since when am I an attention whore? I got the wrong kind of attention before, but this attention just doesn't seem too fit… TOO much attention, if you ask me." I explained. They all exchanged glances, and Itachi pressed the ice against my head a bit harder. "STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!!!" I said, slapping his hand away again, since my head hurt more every time he did that. "Please, just stop. It was a dumb game that Kisame is being an ass about." I added, my lip pulling up almost near the corner, snarling a bit. He looked like he was going to rip out my eyes. I stood up, Itachi standing up with me. He hadn't said a word. "Go… go do your gay stuff!" I said, shooing them with my hands. The only person that made an angry face was 'Kuzu. "I'm not gay, Miichie! NOT GAY!" he said, failing his arms slightly. His fingers twitched in a slight grabbing motion when he dropped them to his sides. Seemed like he was going to take that foosball table beside him and crush me with it.

It'd be best if I didn't instigate, anyways. I would probably end up dead at the end of the day.

"I'm going to class." I said, gently taking the icepack from Itachi instead of ripping it out of his hand… with his hand still attached. That wouldn't be pretty.

I held the bag to my head until it melted through class, sluggishly tossing it somewhere randomly. I sighed. Stupid people calling me names... I was going to rip that kid's eyes out, but instead I smashed cake on him. CAKE. I WASTED CAKE OVER HIM.

Oh well.

After classes during lunch, I met up with the three again. "Is it safe?" Kisame asked. "If you want to keep your mouth, don't say so." I said. He kept quiet. I looked at 'Kuzu, not tempted to pester him. "Where's Hidan?"


	5. Chapter 4

**Hidan**

BAM "What the hell?!" Aw my fucking head… Who slams doors open like that? "Hidan, why are you surrounded by alcohol, why are you on the floor, and WHY ARE YOU NAKED?!" I looked down to my crotch… How the fuck did that happen? Wait, who's bitching to me again? I lifted my head trying to ignore a giant migraine and saw Kakuzu, Itachi, Kisame, and…

"HIDAN GET SOME CLOTHES ON, YOU STRIPPER!" Miichie… I attempted to get up, failing miserably, but after the third try I made it to my room. I only fell on my face twice. I heard the bottles being picked up and thrown in the garbage, or recycling. Miichie insists that we must try to save the world, even though we can't help it. Ugh… "'Kuzu, has Hidan ever gone to class drunk?"

"Stop calling me that! And once, most of the time he just has hangovers," Kakuzu replied. Why's the bastard always nicer to Miichie than me? Oh yeah, they're related… Which seems fucking impossible why the way they look. Then again, they're only step-siblings, but still, I'd fucking commit suicide if I was related to the guy!

"I think he's going alcoholic… HAHA! We should get him drunk for class tomorrow!" Miichie cried. I could picture the bitch jumping for joy.

"Hell no! I am going to get a restraining order from that ass if he gets drunk near me again!" Kakuzu fought back. I don't remember shit after I'm drunk, then again, by the way it seems I don't want to fucking know. "The last time he was drunk he almost raped me!" HOLYFUCKINGSHITWHATTHEHELL?!

"OH MY GOD! You told me about that! Wasn't Itachi or someone going to borrow a movie or something and he heard screaming?" Miichie started a conversation with many growls from Kakuzu for her to shut up. I feel sick, and not from this retarded hangover. I swear, Kakuzu must be out of his god damned mind. He WISHES that would happen, then again everyone does.

RIIIIING! (insert annoying fire alarm noise here)

What? I fire drill now? I don't even have my pants on, oh hell no-- "FIRE! RUN HIDAN!" Miichie dragged me out of the dorm, since when did she get so strong? I heard a whole bunch of laughter from everyone we passed, just my fucking luck… Everyone is standing outside, it's frikkin' freezing out here! I swear, Itachi won't be the only one guilty of pushing that bitch off the roof by the end of today. Mrs. Bitchfa--- Mrs. Michbase started to talk about 'how wonderful we all got out,' now can we go back in?

"Hidan, first you break the school dress code by wearing your clothes wrong, THEN you don't wear a shirt at all, and NOW you're practically naked!" She scolded me. Man how I want to take my hands and put them around her neck to choke her to dea-- "Go inside and change, then meet me in 216 for detention." You got to be fucking kidding me!

"THAT BITCH OVER THERE DRAGGED ME ALL THE FUCKING WAY HERE! LIKE HELL I'M FUCKING GOING WITH YOU!"

-----

"Well Hidan, this is your seventeenth time here?" Mr. Rubdick asked. Damn bitch sent me to this bastards office. The next person who pisses me off is dead. I hope it's Miichie.

"Twentieth, actually…" I corrected him.

"And what's the reason this time? Tossing profanities at teachers, streaking across the football fiel--"

"Hey, I wasn't the only one who did that shit and I got 50 bucks!" I yelled at him.

"I heard you were sent here because you violated the dress code, refused to go to detention, then swore at Mrs. Michbase because of that. Is that true?" He looked at me with his dark, dark eyes, staring right into my skull. Can someone let me poke them out or something? His lazy eye doesn't help with anything either.

"Well the bell went off while I was changing and bitchface drag me out on purpose before I could get dressed then she ran off like the little shit she was and left me alone to deal with Mrs. Bit-- Michbase."

"That excuse again?" He leaned back and sighed. What? Why the hell must this happen to me ALL THE TIME! Oh yeah, a few days ago Miichie did the same thing. What the hell is wrong with her?! "I'm sorry but I'll have to tell your parents," Ugh I hate those assholes sending me here to this school. I WAS DRUNK! WHAT DON'T THEY FUCKING GET?!

"Mr. Rubdick!" A teacher ran in the door, "They're doing it again!" Don't tell me…

"What?" He stood up with narrowed brows.

"Uchiha Itachi and Hoshigake Kisame are making out again in the lobby. It has something to do with a bet or something," She explained. Crap, I lost 20 dollars.

"Hidan, I'll let you go but I don't want to see you again," Rubdick said as he stormed out of the room and soon screamed at the two teens, giving them detention for a week. At least I'm fine. I walked out of the office, past the laughing couple and upstairs. I really need to do something right now or else I'm going to go crazy. Maybe I should steal Kisame's Wii, then again I might 'accidentally' chuck it at Tobi's head. I can't believe they let the dip shit in to school council. What's he going to do? Throw a teddy bear picnic or something? I have to remember not to say that or he just might.

I soon got to my dorm and walked into the place I wish could be my sanctuary. Ugh, instead it has to be packed with a bunch of people, drinking MY vodka coolers. "WHAT THE HELL?! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY I HAD TO ROB OFF OF KAKUZU'S ASS TO BUY ALL OF THAT?!" Silence. Shit, he didn't know that did he?

"YOU STOLE MY MONEY?! AGAIN?!" He roared and stood up, dropping a bottle on the ground ON PURPOSE. It's fun to piss him off but really, not when my stuff is at stake.

"Where else am I supposed to get cash?" I asked.

"Get a job!" He retorted.

"In your fucking dreams. I'll never waste my damn time with stupid shit like that!"

"Could you shut up? I'm attempting to kill Kisame but I just picked up a bunny hood and FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK-DGE!" Miichie screamed in frustration and pulled her hair. "I'm never being sonic again!"

"Who the hell gave you guys permission to come in my room like this anyways?!" I glared at them.

"The door was open," Sasori stated smugly, man I hate that fucker. Wait. Who's that?

"Is that the blonde dude who got mistaken for being a chick?" I pointed to the figure beside Sasori who instantly groaned in annoyance. Yep.

"His name is Deidara," Miichie pointed out. "He got sent here from his parents because his friend came on to him and his mom was like "OMFG MI SUN ISH GAI!" and he was like "NUUU! I'M NOT MUM!" and she was like "YESH YOU ARE! I'M SENDING YOU 2 REHAB 4 THA GAIS!" and that's why he's here." A conversation erupted about Deidara's situation and I was forgotten. Maybe if I buy a gun some time, they'll learn to not piss me off.

"What's it with you and pronouncing chat speak?" Kisame raised a brow, "As if you couldn't get more retarded."

"I less than three it becuz it's pwnful!" She cooed in reply.

"Did you have any caffeine today?" The shark questioned.

"Does 5 Kit-Kats, 2 Mars, and 3 packages of Smarties count?" She titled her head in thought.

"… Great." I walked to the fridge and opened it just to find out half of it was gone. "Who the hell raided my fridge! I swear Miichie I'm going to sacrifice your fucking ass to Jashin!" I can't handle her anymore! Yeah, sometimes I ignore her and don't give a shit, but when it's MY STUFF that's on the line, she's dead. I feel like Kakuzu… At least I haven't popped a blood vessel yet. That was the day I learned to not take over 500 dollars. I hope one day he runs out of his family inheritance and just becomes a poor idiot…

"Ahh! Don't kill me! I swear it wasn't me this time! Tobi did it! Tobi did it! He left a few minutes ago! ITACHI! HUMAN SHIELD!" Miichie dove behind Itachi but instantly got pushed away. "I already helped you for the week, I'm not getting my head chopped off." Itachi groaned at Miichie. How can he live with helping her once a week? Pushing her off the roof was hilarious though. Hey wait, Itachi?

"Weren't you making out with Kisame or something in the lobby in front of the office?" How'd they get up here before me?

"See, told you guys! Pass up the money!" Kisame shouted. Everyone except Miichie groaned. "Haha, I'm gonna be rich some day!" I asked them again but Kisame went on. Again. Again. I'm tired of being polite, these god damned therapy sessions don't fucking help.

"FUCKING TELL ME ALREADY!" I yelled. About five seconds of silence then Itachi spoke up. I hate that fucker.

"You took the long way up here," He stated as Kisame added.

"We were going to call you, but then we thought the result would be funny,"

"And yes it was. I think you need mood stabilizers or something." Itachi smirked and Kisame chuckled. I stole the controller from Kisame, who was he? Oh, Mario. Mario fucking sucks. I ran his character of the ledge about 10 times while dodging Kisame's attempts at grabbing the controller from me.

Finally! He's dead, now let's wait. Kisame stared at the screen while Miichie cheered that she won for the first time going against Kisame, the videogame nerd. "You didn't. No you didn't. WHY THE HELL DID YOU KILL ME! I WAS ABOUT TO KICK HER RETARDED ASS!" I think he overreacts sometimes… "Screw it! I'm going!" He got up swiftly and paced out of my dorm. One down.

"He forgot his Wii… Muahaha! Time for pelvic thrusts on Wii fit!!" Miichie cried and changed the game in two seconds. She's fucking fast when she's getting what she wants, "Make sure if Kisame comes back, he doesn't take the game!" Miichie demanded as she deleted all of his files.

Itachi put his hand on his forehead, "I swear I'm not going to help you when he finds out about this."

"Hey Kuzu! Do your height weight ratio! Kakuzu?" Miichie walked out of the room and into the kitchen. "OH MY GOD FREE ICE CREAM!" I give up. I'm not going to help it anymore.

"I am not playing that idiotic game," Kakuzu's low voice countered her demand. "Besides, I have to go in five minutes to tutor calculus to these god damn kids who know jack about it. I swear I'm going to kill myself…" He walked out of the kitchen and to the door, "Your place is extremely boring." A few seconds after he left, I heard some interesting words from him, "Tobi, you shouldn't go in there, you'll probably get killed." I waited for a response, please not be lying…

"OKAY! Tobi doesn't want to die because he's a good boy!" This is my queue.

"I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU TOBI!" Everyone jumped at my sudden outburst and watched me dash towards the door.

"Ahhh! Tobi is going to get killed!" A high pitched, almost girly scream filled the hall.

"Damn right you are!" I replied.

Then some jackass decides to act all tough and yell at me, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" He's going to be next.

**Itachi**

"He woke up on the wrong side of the bed…" Sasori stated. That Deidara kid is being awfully quiet. I guess I would be if I was meeting these idiots for the first time.

"What's with your name, Miichie?" Wow, he can talk!

"Huh?" She was too into her game to pay attention.

"Where is it from?" He asked.

"Uhh, ask Itachi or something, I'm busy!" She managed to say before she started talking to the TV. She's worse than Zetsu. Well, I guess I have to speak now. I hate talking about that annoying kid.

"Well, Technically she was born in Japan but her parents were going to move to Canada or some place like that, so they made her name more North American… Ish. Then after a while, moving to tons of different provinces then down to Mexico, her parents go in a car crash or something so she moved in with Kakuzu's family. They sent them here before they died of…"

"I don't know, haha. Oh well." She doesn't seem to really care much about her family…Deidara then asked why she was here. Excellent, now she's going to speak.

"WELLLLLL!" Now we have to try to keep up with her since she's going to start talking real fa-- "I had this party at my house and it had a bunch of people from school and that, so we were playing truth or dare or something or other and this dude dares me to kiss my friend so I had to or else I had to run around the neighbourhood naked screaming 'I JUST GOT OUT OF MICHEAL JACKSON'S CLOSET!' So obviously I didn't want to do that so I did it and then Kuzu's mom randomly comes in after he yells "What the fuck?" With a twitchy eye because he hates seeing mushy stuff when it has to do with his family, especially parents. He's always like "Get a room!" and all so yeah. His Mom came in and saw and was like "YOUR GOING TO GAI PPLZ REHABBB!" And earlier my one gay friend who's hilarious came on to Kuzu so we both got sent here. Our family was rich so after they died they gave Kuzu all the money and I'm like "WHAT THE HELL I WANT MONIES!" and the people are like "You weren't in tha will!" So Kuzu said he's give me I think 50 dollars a week but I always seem to spend it on random stuff," She started gasping for air. Holy crap, this girl can talk. "SO THAR YOO GOEZ!" She instantly got back into her game and we all started talking about anything random. Great, we have school tomorrow.


	6. Chapter 5

**Kakuzu**

I sigh, I bet Hidan slept in again. I hate having to act like a freaking adult for him. I walk through the long hallway of the dorms to reach his room. I put my hand on the door handle, it's unlocked. Again. When I open the door I am greeted by the sound of a voice shouting, "Who wears short shorts, I don't wear shorts!" … He's drunk… Again. As I walk in I hear a loud thump followed by a pissed off shout saying, "Who the fuck put my foot there!" I went to the small living room type area and see the crazy Jashinist laying on the floor face down. I kick him a bit.

"… You alive?" I hope not.

"Fuck off Santa Claus, I don't trust fat homos who sneak into my house at night" He then mumbles some other gibberish that doesn't make any sense whatsoever. I might as well raid his fridge for something good since mine is usually "free for all" with him. After I check it and find that there's next to nothing, I walk back to the living room just to see a blank floor with the door wide open.

"Your not serious… God damnit Hidan!" I say to myself as I rush out the door.

**Third Person because some untold force says so.**

While Kakuzu rushed through the halls looking for Hidan, he spontaneously has appeared in the main hall to the cafeteria where many hungry teens eat and chat among their friends. The silver-haired zealot stumbled through the hallway yelling random phrases at his peers. "I fucking HEARD THAT! I don't fuck purple sheep in a river!" He walked through the hall, being held up from falling by some divine deity (He'd probably preach about Jashin if you say anything like that, though). He ran into a familiar brown haired teen, Miichie.

"Watch where you're goin' whore!" Hidan spat.

"What the hell?"

"Yeah, I called you a whore! H-O-… Uhh.. Oh, R-E! WHORE!"

"Umm…" Miichie scratched her head.

"I know you are going AROUUUUND. Yeah, everyone knows that shit! You even fucked that dude over there!" Hidan pointed in some random direction and ended up pointing to a girl with a very confused expression.

"Hidan, you're getting annoying. Leave me alone."

"Don't cry now, no one wants a tiny cry baby! If you have a big deal dealing with the truuuuuth." Hidan paused to think. "Uhhh… Go cry to your Mommy! Yeah! Don't go all fucking emo-retard-bitchy-red-painted-flying-shit on us!" Miichie got more annoyed, half from being hungry, the other half from being insulted for no reason. She didn't really care what she thought, but it would piss off anyone. Before Hidan could say more, she slapped him and turned to walk to the cafeteria.

"Yeah, I love you too, bitch." He stuck out his tongue. "Man, I gotta take a piss." He turned to walk towards the bathroom and ran face first into the door. "What the?" He pushed at the door more. "Who the fuck made this building with bathrooms you can't fucking get into! He looked at the bathroom beside him and noticed someone pull the door. Ohhhhh, right. God, they should put a sign or something. He put his hand around the chrome handle just under a small sign that said "pull" and walked in.

"Where are the fucking--"

"AHHH! GET OU YOU PERV!" Many girl screams filled the bathroom.

"Fuck, there are a lot of girly-guys here. Fine, I'll let you put on your manscara and guy liner, fuck." He walked out of the bathroom with an annoyed expression and black eye. "I'll try the other bathroom. I better not get fucking mobbed again by these annoying duck-fuckers." Hidan walked inside just before his friend Kakuzu came through the hall.

**Kakuzu**

"Damn it. Only 20 more minutes until class. I have to find him… I mind as well eat." I went to the cafeteria line and noticed a pack of people. Many shouting, angry.

"Just Hurry up!"  
"MOVE!"  
"Shut Up!"  
"What's your problem?!"

What is going on now? Today has turned out to be real bad so far. I go through the mob and start hearing a girlish yell. … My step-cousin.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO CHOCOLATE SAUCE!" She yells

"For the last time, we don't have chocolate sauce for our hot dogs." One of the many cooks replies while rubbing his hand on his forehead.

"NO EXCUSE! THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE WHO PUT CHOCOLATE SAUCE ON THEIR HOT DOGS!" She retaliates slamming her hand on the nose guard.

"I'm sorry that didn't come to my mind but could you please just move. Many people want to eat." The cook pleaded. I think this argument has been going on for a while.

"FINE! YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER! THIS IS REDONKULOUS!" She puts her nose up in the air dramatically, crosses her arms, and walks off.

"Miss… Your hot dog." He pointed out her forgotten hot dog.

"There's no use in eating something not smoldered in chocolate sauce." She snarls. I wait for her to walk off a bit, then go to talk to her. I hope she's seen Hidan. I poke her shoulder, I hope she doesn't snap. She twirls around in a normal expression… No, she is anything but normal. She asks me what I want in a rather cheerful voice. I stall but decide not to ask about her sudden change in mood. Maybe it has to do with her being female. I don't understand the female species, they're complicated and a waste of time… But I'm not gay so SHUT UP!

"Have you seen Hidan?" I question. She nods her head. She has? "Where did he go?" She shrugs.

"I dunno. He seems like something crawled up his ass and laid eggs. He went off in some random direction." She points her finger around in circles.

"Great," I growl, "I hope that damn drunken moron doesn't do something stupid." I furrow my brow, this is getting really tedious. Miichie put her hands in front of her in a "Stop" type sign.

"Wait… He's DRUNK?!" She shouts surprised. Bringing a lot of unneeded attention, as usual. I nod, perplexed on how she could not figure that out. "He seemed like he was acting normal." She must have not been near Hidan much.

"He's an idiot but not THAT idiotic." I explain, "But there's not that much of a difference." I sigh, "I'm going to go look for him. If you find him, bring him to his dorm or his next class."

"You'd let him go to class drunk?" She asked, loudly. I roll my eyes.

"I'm told to keep him basically in line, going to class being drunk is his fault." I wave and walk off. Maybe he's back in his room, I wouldn't doubt it.


	7. Chapter 6

**Sasori**

"Akasuna! Wake up!" My ears suddenly ring with the annoying voice of the math substitute. "Would you like to answer it for us?"

"No" I state and put my head back down on the desk. Right after I feel a piece of chalk hit my head. "What the hell?!" I yell as she points to the chalk board. I hate math so much. Half the time I don't even get it. I lean over and ask Kakuzu for the answer but he doesn't say something or even move his eye to look at me! Am I THAT inferior to that damn rag doll?

"SASORI!" She yells at me. I groan and walk to the chalk board but as soon as I'm by the door, it decides to slam open and almost knock me over.

"Kakuzu you fucking DICK!" A familiar Jashinist slurs, "You didn't bring me to class you faaagot!"

**Miishie**

I blow my locks of brown out of my face as my mind starts to wander. Child-care class… I do not know why I have to take this. Is this the schools stereotypical way of saying, "YOU ARE WOMAN! YOU MUST CARE FOR BABY! MIISHIE, STOP DRAWING!"

I snap back to the sad reality and realize that the last sentence was aimed at me from Mrs. Crubalskyi. I look down and see a drawing of one of my original characters. The teacher comes over to take my paper away and then soon yells at me demanding what the drawing is, even though it's obvious.

"It's Peter the Protective Penis, miss. What's so bad about him, he promotes safe sex. He even ha d a tattoo saying it! Plus a condom hat!" I explain crisp and clearly. The room soon breaks out in laugher for some odd reason, then my beautiful appendage drawing is taken from me and put on her desk. "She'll probably need that for later because she can't get anything other than a freaking drawing…" I murmur. She starts going back into the lesson and then gets everyone to stand up and get 'children'. Unlike other schools, we HAVE to deal with the demonic devices of doom. Everyone ends up butting in front of me (haha, butt), so I end up getting the LAST baby. I pick up the small electronic devil spawn seeing a bunch of scratches on it's stomach saying "Castrate me!" Oh yeah, I wrote that.

As I walk back to my desk I finally notice that it's nude, figures. "Mrs. C, my baby got gang raped!" The teacher glares at me then tells me to come see her. I go to her desk and she opens the third drawer down and gets out diapers. Who keeps diapers in their desk. Then again, she's becoming old and senile enough that you'd assume she needs one. As I go to walk towards my desk, the door opens and I'm elbowed in my boob. "Ow!" I look up at the tall idiot who decided to interrupt my graceful stride featuring me not tripping over some invisible wire and see him. Hidan. A very pissed off Hidan. Why is a DUDE in this class.

"Sorry, didn't see you. Not like anyone does." He says with a smug look. Why does he have to be such a douche to me? I'm not THAT retarded!

"You hurt Bobby!" I yell pointing at him while attempting to not let the electronic baby fall out of my other hand.

"… What?"

With my free hand, I then point to my victimized chest area, "Bobby!" I point, "You hurt Bobby with your elbow!"

He shook his head and shoved by me. Why don't my attempts at annoying him work when he annoys me so much?! Maybe I can get 'Kuzu to piss him off for me. Then again, he'd charge me… Again. I watch Hidan's now uninterested face talk to the teacher and explain, amazingly without cursing, that he was drunk yesterday and instead of suspending him they want him to suffer more by taking this class for the rest of the semester. The teacher then said that there were no more babies and he had to work with a partner. He swung his head back mouthing the F word. I decide I shouldn't eavesdrop anymore and walk towards my desk without getting interrupted by Boob Bashers.

As I sit down, the most cliché thing on the PLANET happened. I sit down, I put the brat on the desk, I sigh, I lean in my chair, I'll get to the point already, I hear my name called, and BAM! Guess who's lucky enough to have the religious zealot as a partner for child-care? Then as if on queue, the baby started crying.

It's cries of anguish, probably from seeing the prick's face, the noisy classroom of slacking teens chatting about, and my brain wanting to explode from this malfunction in life make me want to storm out of this room. Please, some untold deity from the skies above, puleeeeeze save me!

**Some unknown being of whom you would never know**

I walk towards the enormous building, Rehab High. I thought I got off lucky when I got suspended but it only lasted a week. I put my hand on my head, a migraine already occurring. It's nice to be with the group again I guess, but living with the fact that your parents brought you here because some idiots rammed you when you got up out of a chair, you ended up landing on another guy in an awkward position, then having a picture taken and sent to the whole student body via text messaging, does NOT mean you are gay. My grey eyes wander as my feet motion me towards the doors of this hellhole. I hear skippers gossip about how 'metal-face' is back. Not that what they say MATTERS. If they piss me off enough again, then they'll magically have 'water' in science burn their skin off.


	8. Chapter 7

**Kakuzu**

The week went by fast. Day by day it was same old, same old. A few fights with Hidan, some detentions for Kisame and Itachi for their lack of heterosexuality, and the usual compulsively demanding sex-ed lectures followed by the words, "She needs to get laid." The school finally opened the long awaited indoor pool. Yes, parents trying to convert their children straight enroll them into a school with a large, heated, fully-accessible swimming pool. Of course the adults were oblivious to the fact because whether they know it or not, it all comes down to money. Money makes the world go 'round as some would say., not love.

"Money is quiet, never has PMS or ego outbursts, never bugs you for its own greedy needs, and stays its same beautiful self with no problems of gaining weight or becoming anorexic. When it gets old, it will get exchanged for newer money with less wrinkles and rips and is always reliable. Love can't pay for food or education, only money can." That long speech is from the school's biggest miser, Kakuzu. The same person who was for once not watching the Jashinist act like his narcissistic, bigot self.

**Sasori**

"Oh my god, look at him."

"He is so damn fine!"

"I'd tap that"

What are people talking about now? The one day I get to watch my sexy blonde swim in the pool and people have to run in a back and block my way. Can't they see I'm busy watching him? Never mind. This book here is to avoid from being noticed. Call me a coward but I feel like being discreet today. I look towards the group and lo and behold the 'hot' and 'flamboyant' retard has caused this. I wish he wasn't so full of himself and at least be considerate to those who want to ogle at their absentminded crush. Well, love or lust. Either way he's going to end up in my room and in my bed.

I decide to watch the intrusion, it's better than doing nothing. I notice a girl nudges a small, scrawny, probably freshman I assume, towards Hidan. "Um… Hidan, I was uhh… Wondering if you maybe wanted to, you know, uh… Go out some time to, uh, eat?" Oh here we go again. I watch the fellow religious nut saunter towards the kid, lean down and cup his cheek with his cocky expression. Well, if you know him you'd know that it has nothing to do with the 'victim' but his self-admiration.

"I'm sorry, I mean it. I'm just so full of studies and everything so maybe some other time we could, you know, get together." Hidan winked at the kid before he decided to strut off. I did a face-palm as the kid stumbled back. Jesus Christ, this is ridiculous. As the Zealot went to exit the room with a rather smug expression I decide to actually comment on the who situation.

"Still acting all self-righteous I see, Manwhore." He turns to me, his smirk still plastered on his face and says, "I love you too, fire-crotch but I wouldn't be talking, looks like you feel like whoring yourself out to your little friend out there." I glare at him as he laughs and walks off. I'm supposed to be the one belittling people with the smart-ass remarks. Not. Him. I feel bad for Kakuzu…

I look around the tiled and turquoise territory and the said male is nowhere to be found. He must be in heaven right now, I can't even imagine how suicidal he probably feels when he has to watch that numbskull all day.

**Kakuzu**

"Okay, you have a jumbo-sized scientific calendar right in front of you. The SIN, COS, and TAN, buttons are staring you in the face. You have a FORMULA SHEET written down! What don't you understand?!" I really try to keep my 'temper' to myself. I'm rewarded with good marks and everything for this tutoring crap but there's only so much I can take. Seriously, how hard is trigonometry?

"Why is SIN pronounced like SIGN?" My fellow pupil asks. Why, someone please tell me WHY people have to be so unintelligent?

"It's pronounced that way because it's sticking up right in front of your face SCREAMING that it's there." I answer. His expression turns even more confusing, great. He's probably going to ask me another idiotic question that has nothing to do with this.

"But signs are inanimate objects and they can't speak so I don't understand?" He leans his chin on his arm. I want to leave, I'm tired, I'm hungry, and I'm just plain annoyed. "I'm so sorry I'm bugging you like this. This stuff is like, impossible for me! I'm going to be a failure." He sniffs and looks up at me through watery eyes. Ugh, not again. I think I know right where he's going with this 'woe is me' act. "You're such a great tutor," He leans up towards me. Please, no. You're invading my personal bubble, kid. "I just wish I could understand this better? I'm sorry I'm keeping you but could you please stay a bit longer?" He leans towards me and is inches away from my face.

WHAM!

Next thing I know his is pushes back on the ground, whoops. Sorry but I am NOT having this happen to me again. This cliché tutor-student 'love interest' is getting on my last nerves. I quickly gather my books and get up to leave. Before I open the door I hear his whining once more, "'Kuzu, why do you have to be so mean?"

I hate that STUPID nickname that my mentally-challenged cousin decided to give me. Sure, her slow-minded scenes can be a bit amusing but I'm tired of this nickname adapting out of thin air. "Don't call me that." I request, yes, a simple request.

"But Michelle always calls you that." I hate you, Michelle.

"She's an annoying brat who doesn't know how to shut up with that childish nickname so don't repeat it or it just reminds me of her." Yes, sometimes she does piss me off but her doltish episodes are so horrible that it brings out my microscopic amount of pity, self-pity. It's the fact that I'm somehow related to her, barely related but it still counts apparently. If it didn't, I wouldn't be here"

"But what about your boy toy, Hidan?"

"That PUNK is not my DAMN BOYTOY!" He looked slightly frightened when my voice roared through the room. I twisted the golden-coloured door knob and slammed the door shut. I feel like reading or counting money. Either will work for me right now. I trek through the far-reaching hallways towards my room, unlock the door, go in, re-lock the door, and fall on my bed. What's with this world? Why does everyone have to assume I'm a freaking homo? I swear, if someone makes another gay comment about Hidan and I, I'm going to let Miichie castrate them and make them play fetch with their own nuts.

I close my eyes and breath slow and steadily. I'm relaxed, I'm in a total state of relaxation and nothing is going to stress me out any longer. After a minute of breathing my door swings open abruptly. I must be imagining things. I locked the door, didn't I?

"Hey COCK-uzu, I'm bored and I feel like getting wasted." The last person I ever want to see at the moment has just sprung into my room even though the door was securely locked. Some untold deity is smiting me, I swear it's true. I sit up on my bed and look towards the silver-haired dimwit. He's holding an extra key, the very key that the councilor gives him in case of anger-management 'emergencies'.

"Do you lack the ability to wear a shirt? Train for a strip club elsewhere." I know now that I'm not going to have any time to myself so I guess I'll go along with it.

"Hey, you think I'd get good money out of it? I already know everyone wants to get down with this body." He snickers while acting like he's all that.

"Oh haha, you are so funny," I respond sarcastically.

"Yeah I know, so you have any money? I feel like having a drink." He attempts to mooch off of me but it isn't going to work and that very truth, he does not know of.

"No I do not have any money and even if I did I wouldn't use it for your alcoholic needs. Go with Kisame and Itachi or something."

"I can't, I already tried." He simply replies with no change of expression, "Itachi was giving head to Kisame in the photocopy room when Kisame was supposed to photocopy test sheets for a teacher. He was taking too long so she went to go check and now they are in detention."

"I hate being in this damn Queer-Aquarium. " I mutter to myself, I feel so tired right now I don't want to deal with this. I wish those two could learn to keep their horror-moans to themselves and get Hidan out of my hair."

"So will you?"

"No."

"Why the fuck not?" Great, I thought he was doing a good job keeping his mouth to a minimum of not cursing at all. He'll never be able to do that. "Pleaaase?" He walks towards me and leans down.

"No." My short and sweet answer seems to go in one ear and out the other with him. He sits down on my bed and goes to lean towards me.

"I'll repay you in any way I can…" His tone gets lower, he is NOT trying to screw me over to get stuff out of me like he does with everyone else. The last time he tried, he ended up going to the hospital. That can happen again, it can and WILL if he keeps this up. He moves his face closer to mine and I hit him in the side of his face, shoving him off the bed. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?!"

"I'm not some retarded little insect who gives in to your childish, hoggish needs so you can learn to stop acting like a total douche already. You should learn to actually do things by yourself instead of being a lazy shit all the time!" I yell at him. He gets up looking all pissy, I should be the one pissed here.

"You should learn to not be such a DICK all the damn time and fuckin' be considerate of others! I can get a fucking job and I can get fucking money!" He screams back at me.

"Then why don't you instead of being a negligent oaf?"

"Why the fuck can't you learn to shut the fuck up?" Wow, what an oh-so witty comeback.

"Oh, I see. You're too dumb to think of some other retort. You're a waste of time and energy, get out of my room." I point to the door as I leer at him. I see his jaw clenching. Wow, he CAN shut the hell up and close his mouth even if it is for a few seconds.

"I was going to fucking leave anyways. Why the hell would be here anyways with a prick like you? No wonder nobody likes a hideous fucking faggot like you!" Oh, I'm getting so self-conscious.

"Just leave, now you're just sounding stupid because you can't think of anything else better to say other than looks, your intelligence disgusts me." He walks out of the room and slams the door. I hear him say to himself about how he should try and tear Konan and Pein away from their face-sucking so he could go with them instead, desperate. That whole argument has given me a killer migraine, I really need to sleep, sleep will help.


End file.
